Midnight. The perfect time to try to express some of what has been happening in my life and heart lately. In truth, there does not seem to be another time in the day that allows me the luxury/necessity of sitting a bit in silence, letting the activities, conversations, decisions and thoughts of the day settle enough to contemplate the bigger picture. I have missed it.
When I was 18 and I heard the truth about my sin, my separation from God, and my need for the Savior Jesus--who alone can bridge that gap, I acted on those truths by giving myself and life to Him. But in reality I had numerous misconceptions. Not so much in my need or the process, but more specifically in the outcome. I began attending a church and admired, sometimes from afar and sometimes close up, the ladies I presumed to be most godly. Somehow I always identified the women who were least like me--diminutive, quiet, feminine--to think of when I would pray "Oh Lord, please make me a godly woman." Surely God's plan for every Christian woman involved long skirts, floral blouses, teaching children's Sunday School and having a mysterious, demure inner quality. It makes me smile now, because I believe it made God smile then, yet He honored my request, even while knowing that getting what I wanted wouldn't look the way I imagined. In His kindness He has been answering ever since, though I have yet to shrink, can hardly be called 'quiet' and will never be described as 'feminine'.
What does it mean to be 'godly'? Obviously it means to be 'like God'. And our example in the flesh of what it means to be like God came in the form of Jesus. To be 'godly' is to be like Christ and Christ was, above all things, obedient to the Father. It was so much the center of his focus that He called it His very food. And when the painful reality of what it would cost Him drew near and He desired to avoid the torment that was planned for Him, yet He prayed: "Not my will, but Yours, be done." He fully entrusted himself to the Father's plan for him as GOOD and RIGHT and BEST. That is godliness, wanting what God wants, and that is the kind of trust I want not just to have, but to act on.
But godliness has not been the only thing I have ever wanted. And since moving to Indiana, to a farm with a barn on 61+ acres, I have also wanted farm animals. It only seemed right. And we have tried, and fought, and struggled and failed ever since moving here, but it took getting what I really thought I wanted and having it all go wrong for me to be able to hear the Lord. Ten days ago I posted the note below on Facebook, announcing that we are done with farm animals.**
I really thought that the farm animals were a good idea, such a good idea that I am fairly certain I never once prayed about it. If I had I am not certain that God would have changed a single thing, but now I'll never know. As it is, I got what I wanted--in perfect detail--so there are no illusions of what might have been. I am relieved to have understood His will and begun acting on it, and I'm pretty sure that it took getting what I wanted to see that I was wrong. If I had never tried and failed I might even have imagined that I was giving up some good thing for His sake, when in fact He just has other plans for me!
Jim Elliot, a man who gave his live in service to Christ, wrote: God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him. And Proverbs 3:5,6 says: Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.
Through much experience I have learned that my plans and the Lord's often look very different, but by that same experience I know that His plans are always best! It's such a good place to be! And what a comfort that Romans 8:28 reminds us that He works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose!
A friend recently posted: "You have plans. God has plans. Your plans don't matter." Lol--exactly! I believe this with my whole heart. Wanting God's plans over my own--that is what godliness looks like. How blessed I am that I am always getting what I want--opportunities to be more like Jesus.
**
Like the biblical Jacob, I have wrestled with God over something for a long time. Guess who won? ;)
Unlike Jacob, I didn't realize I was wrestling, but the pain in my hip tells the truth. God has prevailed and now that I know what He wants, I am obeying.
Our family is done with farm animals. Whether this is for a season or for a lifetime I do not know, and do not need to know, because that is the Lord's business. For years I have tried and struggled and fought and failed to fill our barnyard and farm--it only makes sense, right? We have a 3-story barn, 61 acres, and two hay fields for Heaven's sake! But God's ways are higher and better, and now that He has made it clear I want to obey quickly.
THEREFORE--
We have the following available to the right people for very reasonable terms:
3 goats with milk stand and all supplies--
--a beautiful spotted Nubian doe in milk (who should be allowed to dry up, then be bred for next spring)
--a juvenile Boer cross wether, good for meat or companionship
--a juvenile Kiko cross doe who can be bred next year
A dozen chickens (all a year old and laying) plus a rooster and supplies
(Probably shouldn't be mixed with existing flocks, but if a person wanted to "try" having chickens this would be a great way to give it a shot.)
--Wellsummer rooster
--maybe a bantam cross rooster, too?
--a mix of varieties, all a year old and laying: buff-colored bantam crosses, a Wyandotte, an Auracauna, RI Red, Danish Leghorns, Wellsummers, and others.
A sweet, beautiful Great Pyrenees dog (who is twice the size of our Lab, but eats only half as much)
--She requires farm animals, and a lot of room to roam that is fenced. She does not guard chickens but rather longs to play with them (and it's not a fair match! :) She would do well with cattle, goats, llamas, and probably horses.
It is good to obey the Lord, even when it hurts--maybe especially when it does. I believe the pain will be short-lived. Feel free to pass this on to any you think might be interested. Tagging some who I think may know others of interest.
